Add Chris Evans to your number count…

Today, I found myself in quite a predicament. See, the best friend and I decided we would catch a movie after work, the problem was we didn’t know what we should see. So we narrowed our options down to four, they included “The Ides of March,” “The Three Musketeers,” “What’s Your Number?” or “Midnight in Paris.”

In other words we had to choose between a George Clooney/Ryan Gosling sandwich, Mr. Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen) with a beard, Chris Evans looking hot, or Tom Hiddleston as Scott Fitzgerald.

After much pondering we went with “What’s Your Number?” Simply because we wanted something that would be light-hearted, funny and filled with lots of Chris Evans and his God-given talents.

The movie, in theory, sounded pretty entertaining. Ally Darling, played by Anna Faris, is worried that she’s had too many sexual partners and will therefore be deemed unsuitable marriage material. The national average is 10 men.  Ally is at 20.

In an effort not to surpass the 20 mark, she convinces her neighbor Colin, played by Chris Evans, to help her track down all her ex-boyfriends with the hope that an old flame will be rekindled—and eventually one of these exes will want to marry her.

Entertaining it was.  Great it was not.

While Faris and Evans have awesome chemistry, and both worked their asses off throughout the film, neither could save the shitty (and predictable) screenplay. Faris, known for her comic chops, did her best to bring the funny but the jokes just weren’t cutting it.  Which is probably why there was nudity at every turn—to distract the audience from realizing how crappy the script was.

Almost every other scene featured a pair of butt cheeks—either partially or completely naked. It was butts galore! Faris, Evans, Evans, Evans, random character, Evans, Faris, Evans. You get the point.

Not that I’m complaining. I can appreciate a good set of buns as much as the next gal. And Chris Evans is built. I mean, BUILT. I could stare at that man all day.

But after an hour of drooling over him, I started to feel a little bad. Just a little.

I mean, there’s more to the man than his perfect body.
More to him than his six pack abs, his perfect pecs, and lordy, him in his boxer briefs.

::fanning self::

Where was I?

The movie.

Evans can act. He’s a great actor. He’s funny as hell, his timing is impeccable, and he can deliver a line. Its just a shame he doesn’t have any good ones in this film.

Which is why, while I love, love, love Evans and thought Faris was great, I likely won’t be buying the DVD when it comes out.

Then again, maybe I will.
I mean the man is hot. And I certainly appreciate the hotness. I support it wholeheartedly.

I suppose the best remedy for the crappy screenplay dilemma will be just to keep the film on mute and watch the man do his sexy thing.

Yea, that may just work!


3 thoughts on “Add Chris Evans to your number count…

  1. Funny review. I would suggest with a little marketing tweak, this could be a runaway hit. To start, how about a new title; some suggestions: “All for buns and buns for all” (It can steal a littl thunder from the Three Musketeers); “Captain Buns’Great Adventure” (Leverages Evans’ status as an action hero); or “Rear Window” (Yes, the same name as the Hitchcock classic. Remakes are big now and the audience will certainly be surprised by this new classic).

  2. you have to admit the whole british thing was freaking hilarious though! i thought it was a good movie. not the best but a really good movie. any movie that keeps me from thinking “gosh how much longer is this stupid movie?” is a winner in my book. and evans is HOT.

    • Oh, I admit, there were parts of the film that were really laugh-out-loud funny. But those were few and far between.
      The scenes with Martin Freeman were great, but what makes it great is Martin’s facial reactions. Not the words being said. Though her slipping into Borat was funny.
      My problem with the entire film was that the script was just sooooo bad. Had there been a better screenplay, then it would’ve been a great film. But poor Farris had to deal with shitty jokes that weren’t funny. And you can tell her and Chris were bringing their A game and they tried to make it work, it was just such a shitting script.

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